My dear sis recently shared this link, about what to say and what NOT to say to someone who has lost a child. It touched me profoundly.
A dear friend of mine, Anna, walked this road ahead of me... And I didn't know what to say. So I didn't. I avoided her, and I didn't call. I did everything wrong. And when the time came for me to walk that road, she did everything right. I am so thankful God gives his grace to us!
Here is my story, from the pages of my old blog, January 2005, when we were living in FL. Hang in there for the end, it's happy, I promise.
Posted: Monday, 31 January 2005
The day after I last posted [that we were expecting]... everything changed.
Short story: we aren't pregnant anymore.
We are still without internet, but I wanted to get this posted to let everyone know what's up with us. Hopefully I'll be back online in a week or so, not too sure. I think I'll post a two week update today and then I'll be taking a couple weeks off from [blogging], until life settles down a bit. Once we get back online I'll try to catch up on my email and comments. :) Thanks for all your sweet thoughts...
January 16th: We [the kids and I] flew back to FL from PA, after a wonderful visit with my family. It was great to bring my friend, Anna, and her daughter K along with us on the plane. They came for a week long visit. Anna and I have been friends since we were 12. Having her come visit is like a week long slumber party. :)
Jan. 17th. - Unpack, do laundry, buy groceries... Scrapbook. :) Anna is as crazy about scrapbooking as I am. Some of our best creations went into K's baby book, I wish I had scanned them before she left.
Jan. 18th - Ben's birthday. Anna, K, Tyler, Emma and I went to MOPS in the morning, and then threw a little birthday party for Ben when he got home from work that night.
Jan. 19th - We stayed home and scrapbooked all day.
Jan. 20th - We went to the beach, it was kind of cool weather, but that didn't keep our toes out of the water:
Jan. 21st. Since it had been a week since I found out I was pregnant, I felt about to burst, so Ben and I started telling everyone We were SO completely excited. I'd had the "baby itch" for a while, but we weren't trying to get pregnant... so it was a big surprise. Even so, we were just thrilled at the thought of another little one... especially after getting to enjoy Anna's baby, K, all week.
Jan. 22nd - I started spotting. After totally freaking out we cancelled our planned shopping trip and stayed in and scrapbooked all day.
Jan. 23rd. - Still spotting. more even. *more tears* Called my mom and she suggested taking it easy and going for less stress. Since Anna had to fly out in the morning, we did our best to enjoy her last day... and took her sightseeing. It was a good distraction...
Jan 24th. - Took Anna to the airport. It was so hard to hug her goodbye. She and I had grown so much closer this week (as if it were possible) and she had been a huge encouragement to me with the distress in this pregnancy. I started my 8th week of pregnancy, still spotting.
Jan 25th, - spotting changes to clotting, more bleeding, and cramps. Spent a lot of time on the phone with mom. Praying (and crying) in the shower. God, I want your will... oh but God, I WANT this baby!
Jan. 26th - more bleeding. cramps, and now a migraine headache. Ben comes home from work early. I love my sweet husband. My headache lifts by bedtime and I do a little of my Bible-in-a-year reading. I'm in Job now. I came across this verse:
"What? Shall we accept good at the hand of God, and shall we not accept calamity?" Job 2:10
How true, I was so quick to praise God for his choosing to give us a baby when we weren't trying for one... Praise Him even now, for He's knows best and whatever He sends, I will be thankful for it, because it is from his hands.
Jan. 27th - less bleeding. Ben stays home and takes care of the kids and everything so I can keep off my feet.
Jan. 28th - Ben stays home again. We finally decide to go ahead and fork out the money for an ultrasound so we can see what's been going on. The kids go to a friend's house and we go in about 2pm. Why is it when you tell someone at a doctor's office that you don't have insurance they look at you like you are nuts? All in all, we spent $400 in just one hour there. The doctor was really nice, and the ultrasound went quickly.
Suddenly there I was staring at an empty screen. He told me my womb was completely empty. I had completely miscarried We had what we needed to know... Our baby was already in the arms of Jesus.
We walked out and sat in the truck... it's difficult to explain the peace that just overwhelms you when you have been praying so fervently for God to show you what He's doing, and He finally does. I'd been crying all week, and there were no more tears. God had spoken. And we were at peace. It was SO strange, I really thought I'd fall apart, but I didn't, and I wasn't even wanting to. It was peaceful.
We made some phone calls and broke the news. That was tougher. Ben went back to work yesterday, and life just went back to it's normal routines... Like waking up from a bad dream. We're still healing, and I'm still hoping God chooses to bless us again. But for now... healing.
Thank you to all of you who were encouraging us through this hard week. One very special moment was when our pastor from back home called up, having heard the news, and had a word of prayer with Ben over the phone. It was the only time during the whole thing that I saw Ben cry (not that he wasn't sad, but he's not much of the crying type). There were so many calls and prayers from friends far and near... So appreciated.
Hugs and prayers, Laura
It doesn't end there though...
We had thought we were done, but God had plans. He did not leave me with empty arms. The baby, whom I call Job, was with Jesus.
But the baby, called Mayda, who was born one year to the day from my miscarriage... she wouldn't be here if Job hadn't left. If God had answered my heart's prayer... We wouldn't be celebrating the 7th birthday of our precious little girl. Not a replacement, but a double blessing.
January 25, 2006
Mayda came into the world. When we saw our pastor the only words I could speak were "God is so faithful!"
Psalm 34:1-8, 15, 17-18
I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth. My soul shall make its boast in the Lord; The humble shall hear of it and be glad. Oh, magnify the Lord with me, And let us exalt His name together. I sought the Lord, and He heard me, And delivered me from all my fears. They looked to Him and were radiant, And their faces were not ashamed.
This poor man cried out, and the Lord heard him, And saved him out of all his troubles. The angel of the Lord encamps all around those who fear Him, And delivers them. Oh, taste and see that the Lord is good; Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!
The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, And His ears are open to their cry. The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears, And delivers them out of all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, And saves such as have a contrite spirit.
Happy 7th Birthday to my dear sweet Mayda! You are my every-day-reminder of the faithfulness of my Father in heaven!
And Happy 8th Birthday to Job, celebrating with Jesus.