One layer down, my thought life has a lot of progress to make.... I have always struggled with self-doubt, and worry about others opinions. I often bunch ideas off a friend or my hubby, but I realize that in the end I need to Seek the Lord in all these things. I won't make the wrong call if I'm looking to Him for every little choice. But I'm getting ahead of myself, for each layer is built on the foundation below it.
In my soul is the Holy Spirit, God indwelling, giving direction and wisdom when we ask. I have been blessed to overflowing by His gifts. Last spring I hit bottom, struggling to relate to my husband, and feeling quite bankrupted in emotional energy, I asked a woman in my church to mentor me. While I felt my schedule was packed and one more thing would not fit, I started on the path of discipleship. Until that point my training in this way had been limited to my mother's input and little bits of wisdom drawn from friends and books. Moments of peace in the Scripture were morsels of hope. But I wasn't making the time. I'd started so many books and not finished them. I started a Bible in a year program, and a blessing counting book with my 1,000 gifts friends. But the discipline wasn't there. With the addition of accountability that all changed. My mentor challenged me, and we began to memorize and read. We took an entire year to savor a book and to memorize passages each week. I shared my worries and, instead of fixing them for me, she took my hand and we carried them to the cross. Oh I have so much to learn, but I have come so far. When I am all tumult inside, I can choose to process and doubt, or hit my knees. So many times this year I have poured out the Scriptures in my heart awash with a flood of tears. How different each Scripture is, when framed in the circumstance of my trials.
In the mean time I'm as busy as ever. I completed two Awana T&T books and memorized 200 verses to do so. I've learned so much about my family, my schedule, my heart, but most importantly, my Savior. This foundation pushes up and strengthens my life. In turn I have had small opportunities to pour those words into others. I had felt completely inadequate to disciple another person, until I saw it for what it was. Leading others to Him, being filled with His Word, and being transformed in the process. Like water raining down on a mountain pools up and pours into the pools beyond, each overflowing to the next. The source is not the pool, but the One giving the water. As my pool flows out I need to be filled again and again.
I am so thankful for the lessons He pours out into my life!
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