Sunday, March 2, 2014



Here I am again, Lord.

Babbling on to a friend about all the things I could have said better, or shouldn't have forgotten, or wondering aloud if I was ok (so that they will assure me I am).

Where does this insecurity come from?
Is it a self-centered obsession with being approved?
Is it a desperate desire to be liked?
Is it a sign that I feel very little value?

I just need to. Get. Over. Myself.

Truthfully, I think I cannot see each moment, each conversation, each opportunity dealt with because of the mountain of self in the way. I am analyzing, critiquing, editing, every moment. To please them all, so they will be pleased with me, and I will be pleased with their liking.

2 Corinthians 12:5-11
 On behalf of such a one will I glory: but on mine own behalf I will not glory, save in my weaknesses.
 For if I should desire to glory, I shall not be foolish; for I shall speak the truth: but I forbear, lest any man should account of me above that which he seeth me to be, or heareth from me.
 And by reason of the exceeding greatness of the revelations, that I should not be exalted overmuch, there was given to me a thorn in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, that I should not be exalted overmuch.
 Concerning this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me.
 And he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
 Wherefore I take pleasure in weaknesses, in injuries, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong.
 I am become foolish: ye compelled me; for I ought to have been commended of you: for in nothing was I behind the very chiefest apostles, though I am nothing.
Maybe this is my thorn in the flesh, meant for my good: I doubt myself because I fight pride, but truthfully, I should glory in my weaknesses, my failings even. Because these are the things that I turn to Christ and should give Him glory as He meets me there. In my mind I am the last line "I am nothing." Stripped of all my pretenses, my desire to "get it right" is the glory of Christ, who is right all along. Sufficient for my failings. Lover of my soul. What other approval do I need?

1 Samuel 16: 7 But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.
Lord, forgive my failings! Be glorified in my life! Thank you for keeping me here. Help me to worry less about self doubt, and more about trusting You!

Tyler helping me clean our barn: pretty red paint on the outside... lots of work to do on the inside.

For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith Jehovah. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. Isaiah 55:8-9

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