February 17, 2007 - Pondering Big Things

Since this blog is fairly new, and it's been a long time since I had one... I thought I'd go back and look through a blog I'd had a long time back. I found this post from almost exactly 5 years ago... I was getting ready for baby #4, just starting out into the world of homeschooling, living in a tiny trailer home, still had 3 grandparents living near us... WOW that feels so long ago!

_____________________________________________

Big Things
I am constantly weighing out big things. I see big life changes coming.

New baby this fall. Emma will start school at that same time. Tyler will be starting 1st grade and be needing more structure than I've been able to give him this year. (although, I must add he is doing GREAT, some simple reading and now doing simple addition and subtraction. Very neat to see it all clicking.) What to do for school? Continue homeschooling? Can I manage it?

Mayda is growing up so fast I can hardly fathom it. Once I get my pictures downloaded I'll show you all a video of her using a spoon for the first time. We finally had her real birthday party today. It was fun. She's just getting so big so fast! How will I keep ahead of her?

We need a different vehicle situation. Our one good gas milage vehicle (for Ben's commute) is also our best family vehicle, and even that will be too small when the baby comes. (yay for one more car seat! :P ) What do we buy? more miles and less money or the other way around? Should we sell and/or buy more than one vehicle? Maybe get rid of two vehicles so we can get Ben a better commuter vehicle? Can we get enough out of what we have to swing buying what we need?

Continuing care for loved ones. Diagnosis I'm still grasping to understand. Parkinson's, I hardly know what to expect. What exactly are the beginning signs of Altzheimers? Thyroid lows and depression; who knew they were such a devastating foe? How can anyone afford taking 5 meds when just one of them costs $265 a month? How long will some stay in independence? The other in assisted living and not full nursing care? How can I help extend that? What is physically possible for me?

As mom's trip winds down I'm realizing how much I've leaned on her this past two weeks. Ben jokingly said once she's gone we'll be back to the "shift change" referring to the way that whenever he's not working I'm leaving he kids with him so I can go help loved ones. How will I do that while nursing a newborn?

And then I am reminded. Every time we've found ourselves standing with our nose to the wall, a wall ten miles wide and ten miles tall... no way over and no way around... (a financial wall, a health burden wall, a spiritual wall). I stand there studying that wall, I measure and weigh my problems and solutions... and when I can see that absolutely nothing my human mind can conceive will fix it...

I surrender. And wait.

And He is there. He puts a way through the wall where there wasn't. Not with the cannon and gunpowder I'd thought of. Not by scaling its heights with a ladder of my fashioning. No, he thinks of things more infinite than I. (Isa . 55:9 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.") No, He finds something unusual to show me his might:

"When the trumpets sounded, the people shouted, and at the sound of the trumpet, when the people gave a loud shout, the wall collapsed; so every man charged straight in, and they took the city. They devoted the city to the LORD" -Joshua 6:20-21a

I'm shouting Lord; I believe you have a plan for this wall.